my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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