He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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