im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
only you would photoshop your dick
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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