Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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