we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
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