I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
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