I just made out with a guy for $7.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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