I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
