This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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