What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
