I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Screwed.edu
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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