you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Say something about gay babies.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Randomize
