So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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