Betty ford says i'm here all night
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
