just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
