When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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