is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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