Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
