im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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