Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
