Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
the raccoons are back...
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