if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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