Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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