Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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