There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
