You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
third nipple confirmed
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
