I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
