Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
