Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
