I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize