dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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