I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
