Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize