Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
