Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
