Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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