Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
