3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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