But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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