I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
