this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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