I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
