We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
