Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
