you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
