Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
