I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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