There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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