you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
