She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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