just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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