awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
