I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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