Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
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