we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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