just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
