Your face is a jimmy john
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
