I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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