I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Randomize
