Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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