grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
