Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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