every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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