The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
